She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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