At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
