Can i not drive my cunt home
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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