Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
