I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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