Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
