If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This baby is an asshole
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
