I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't turn off my feet"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
