dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
