He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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