so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
