What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
