i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
