Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
