Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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