the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
