and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
