remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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