Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
