I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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