dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
