Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize