I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
