So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
