the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
