I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
