My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
