jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
