Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
