he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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