Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
