i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
