I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
