I think I am morally bankrupt
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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