we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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