You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
