I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
