Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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