Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
