I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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