if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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