it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
