my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
