you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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