me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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