So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
