It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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