i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is wine microwaveable?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
