im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
