Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
