but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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