1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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