I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
