good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
