some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I intend to get homeless drunk
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
