I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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