Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
