guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
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Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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