Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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