The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
