How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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