Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Send help, water and tortillas.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
