HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
