soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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