nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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