No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
