I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
