I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
